Monday, May 31, 2010

Bummer...summer, get here soon.

Today is a day that I wish didn't happen. Today is a day of joy, because it is my sweet baby Jansen's 5th birthday, which obviously means that he is now longer a sweet baby. I must have blinked, because he is almost taller, and bigger in general, than his 7 year old brother. Unfortunately, today has been more depressing than my own milestone birthday earlier this month.

We took a trip to Redbox for him to pick out his movie-of-choice, made his favorite breakfast and lunch, and vowed to do nothing today but play. But my attitude today is horrific. I cannot shake the funk today. Even though I would love to dance and shout, and shake my body down to the ground, both my mind and body are feeling the anti-groove. Instead, I am in prayer that today's self-loathing and general selfish behavior is just temporary.

Today I am thinking of all the bad shi....stuff I have said, done, thought either to or about people. Which leads me to anger about the bad shi....stuff that others have said, done, and thought about me. Or maybe that is vice versa. Either way, I am thinking about both. I am irritated by a handful of people. Why must I be such a people pleaser? Over the years I have learned that I tend to take on the attitudes and attributes of those around me, even though they may be polar opposite. And to top it off, I am often paralyzed by the thought of a bad impression that I may present to people. Does that change my behavior...often times not.

Boy this is a rambling post.

I don't know. Today I feel inadequate. And I am mad at some people...which leads me to be more mad at myself for being mad at them. I am incredibly annoyed by Caleb today, who has been overall decent, but incredibly loud and tic-y. What needs to be done is for me to sit back and realize that he cannot control this. This is a part of my son. It is a part of how he reacts to changes in his routine. As a baby, his behaviors were immediate and severe. As he gets older, his behaviors are often gradual, and annoying at first....but upon reflection, warrented. This is the end of school, and he LOVES school. He never wants school to end. This is a time of major fun for most children. When I was his age, the last weeks of school were the best. We had parties, snacks, free time...everyone loved it. These are things that Caleb doesn't do well with. Of course, he is no longer rocking himself in the corner or spinning when changes happen. Now he has moved on to excessive talking about factual things (today is Monday...we never have school on Mondays....Mom, today is Monday....we never have school on Mondays....), extreme bossiness (in attempt to regulate his life), and tics (sniff, cough, throat clear....lather, rinse, repeat). So to the casual observer, it wouldn't be that big of a deal, but to us...if left to his own devices with no adjustments, would spiral out of control in two days and return to hysterics. No one wants that.

Ahh life. Things have been so beautiful over the last couple of months. Caleb is learning the art of adaptation. Who am I kidding, WE are learning the art of adaptation. Maybe I feel so funky because Caleb feels so funky. This just reinforces that my life is not my own. I know my child better than anyone else. We are very similar, Caleb and I. What a cathartic process blogging is to me! I still feel funky, but at least I have a better grasp of where my head is now :)

Happy Birthday to my Jansen!!!

Saturday, May 29, 2010

more birthday madness

I am so thankful that this month is almost over!!! This has been a crazy, mixed up, heck of a May. Wow! I am exhausted just typing this. I turned 30, we had our 9th anniversary, Jansen turned 5, we put in granite, we put in laminate wood flooring, we went to the doctor 7 times between the 4 of us, I hosted a week of Teacher Appreciation, we hosted Field Day, hosted an End of Year Teacher Luncheon, and of course...end of school parties and awards. Stick a fork in me, I am done.

Today we had a SMALL family get together for Jansen's 5th birthday...just the immediate family. We (and our kids) are so blessed to have 2 sets of grandparents and 3 sets of great-grandparents! We really over-extended ourselves financially this month and I really need to get back on the frugal track...hence the small party. Some pizza, salad, silly string, a homemade cake, and some balloons made for a fun Saturday afternoon.

After Jansen's party, Caleb and I headed out for a friend's party...complete with giant water slide. Caleb had a blast! He didn't have a meltdown, played on the slide, and socialized with the other kids. Success :)

I am so ready to slip into summer, although I feel like I might melt with this ridiculous heat and humidity. PS-it's not even August..the hottest time of the year!!! Oh wait, maybe I will sweat some weight off. There's the positive! PPS-I am looking for a living room rug. If you see a nice one for a reasonable price on Craig's List or at a garage sale...let me know!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010


Yep, that is right. I am about half way up the mountain, and my body decided it was time to set up shop on the side of a rocky cliff. This month, my weight loss has been satisfactory, especially in the first 3 weeks. My total weight loss for the first official month is 17 pounds. Go me! I am working too hard to reconcile with my mind and heart the difference between honest, realistic expectation, and pure wishful thinking. The fact is, I have at least 20-30 more pounds to lose; 40 on the ideal side.

But wow, what an accomplishment this month has been. Now this last week, my body only let go of a pound. And it has been toying with it; letting it go, and then wanting it back. It is a sad frustrating tug-of-war. Originally my thought was to do this for a month, then get off for a couple weeks, and start another month. Now I am just too scared to try. I don't feel like I have lost enough to make me comfortable to get off of it for two whole weeks. A weekend....maybe. Definitely tonight, as the hubs and I are going to The Grape Taste for our anniversary. I am toying with the idea of getting of of it through the weekend and begin next weekend invigorated and ready to begin another month. The beauty is, I know I can make it at least a month on this diet, so I can definitely do it again. :)

Now I must go have a detailed conversation with my body, to let it know that this mountain is ready to be conquered and we don't have much time to sit and sing kumbaya around a campfire.

Thursday, May 13, 2010


Since Jansen's last day of school is the 20th, and his birthday is not until the 31st, I decided to send some cupcakes to his preschool class to celebrate early. He is having an immediate family party this year and hopefully next year we can start to invite some school friends. But I digress....

This year, he wanted Super Mario mushroom cupcakes. More specifically, he wanted green 1-Up mushroom cupcakes, but for his birthday, he chose a skateboard party. Whatever floats your boat kiddo. These cupcakes were so easy, and while they weren't master quality, they were perfect for a bunch of 4 and 5 year-old kids. It couldn't have been easier to do.

First I made the typical cupcake in white liners. While they were baking I tinted buttercream (because it is my fave) green until Jansen said it was the right color. After the cupcakes cooled, I iced the top, and then used white chocolate chips turned upside down for the polka dots. Now, I could have used some white chocolate melting pieces, or piped circles on, but I had the chips in the pantry, so I used them. Then I used a sharpie to draw on little eyes. Jansen and Caleb both flipped out! Caleb especially since Super Mario is his life. We have done so many variations of that video game for birthdays that I am so glad to be able to make a skateboard cake for Jansen this year. How refreshing :)

Although refreshing, Jansen is pretty adamant that he wants a skateboard with flames. Red, yellow, and orange. Ok, so I can do that. I found a really cool skateboarder mylar balloon set with mylar stars and latex balloons on the internet. Same colors that he wanted on the cake...with the addition of some black. Black goes with EVERYTHING. Then, when Josh and I were in Houston, we found the perfect favors for the three kids that will be there....same colors! This seemed to be falling into place. I can't wait to get started on this birthday.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Day #30...the end

As THE LIST rolls slowly to a close, it is painfully incomplete. There are a few things that I simply dropped the ball on and some things that were not possible to complete. Today, I mark off #25, buy something from an informercial. What could that purchase be? A SlapChop....that is right, my friends. I bought a SlapChop from the ShamWow guy. Not only did I fall for this ad, hook, line, and sinker, but I just flat out enjoyed it. It was the most entertaining ad out there! Who can say NO to this guy rapping? Not me. AND I got the Graty. My life feels complete.

Also, mark off #12: cut soda out of my diet for 30 days. I did it.
Mark off #19: blog daily about THE LIST

So what were the things that I did not accomplish?
#4: Read a chapter a day in the bible. I started this, but couldn't finish it.
#5: Be able to run one lap at the track, non-stop. Somehow, my schedule never allowed me enough time to get out there and do it. I am going to though.
#10: Swim in the ocean. This will be accomplished in November in Mexico!
#15: Walk on the beach at night with my husband. Nope, didn't make it.
#16: Play in the rain. It has been dry for a month
#27: Go to the movies by myself and feel confident about it. My schedule never permitted this. Jansen gets out of school at 12, and movies don't even start until after then. Maybe I can do this when he goes to kindergarten.

So 6 items were not completed. I plan to do each and every one as soon as possible. Doing this for 30 days has given me a little extra drive to make plans, no matter how big or small. Everyone needs to have goals. My dad always talked to me about the importance of having short and long term goals.

What will I think of next?

Also, on a semi-unrelated thought...tonight, on the eve of my 30th birthday, I am surprisingly depressed. I am depressed more knowing that I should not be depressed, fully realizing that I will look back and think how wonderful my life is. And it is. Maybe it is a wish to not have an age. I certainly don't wish to turn back the clock and return to any age that I have been. Maybe I just cannot seem to put my finger on it. Maybe that is ok. Will tomorrow be any different than today? No, I have PTA things to do, children to raise, homework to help with, weight to lose, a house to clean, groceries to buy, flooring to pick out, etc, etc, etc. But the number over my head ticks to 30. And now I cry. My 20s are gone, in the blink of an eye. I didn't realize how painful it would be.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Day #29...the big 30 party

My parents threw me a 30th birthday party today at their house and it was so fun! Although as soon as I arrived, mom had to put a sash on me, as well as a tiara. She had even bought a pinata! Too bad the mask wouldn't fit over my tiara, so I had to cover my eyes with my I cheated. Get over it.

Anyway, I was really glad to get off my diet for the day and eat some delicious cake, thanks to Jenny Wright...who is FABULOUS!!! We got to hang out with my family and just relax, and I got some super great gifts...always a bonus of turning 1 year older.

Tomorrow we will be headed to church, then to Josh's grandmother's house to celebrate Mother's Day, and then to his aunt's house for a get-together. Busy days ahead. UGH, I ate too much today, and my stomach is letting me know it. Here are some pictures from the party in case you don't have Facebook and cannot see my album on there.

Friday, May 7, 2010


Today was the last day of Teacher Appreciation, and it was fabulous! We had so much food that we were even giving teachers whole casseroles and desserts to take home. Thank you to all the parents that provided food to make this week special for our teachers!

Tonight I went to have some girl time with 4 super cool friends. We headed to Carinos for a double-birthday celebration...Lela's birthday is Saturday and mine is Monday. It was nice to get out and have some time to myself. Josh and I had planned to go to the beach afterward, but as my age will prove, we came home to fall asleep. To be perfectly honest, I would choose sleep over almost anything these days. Well, since the children have been born, basically because I don't get enough sleep. Caleb doesn't sleep so I don't sleep. AGH!

Here are some more before and after pictures of our granite. It turned out perfect!

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Days #26 and's a combo

Yesterday's and today's blogs are a combo today, since Josh and I were on an overnight date in Houston last night.

Mark off #30, go to a concert. Josh and I headed to Houston yesterday to go see Norah Jones in concert. We checked in to the Crowne Plaza River Oaks and then headed to Guadalajara. Bad for my diet, you say? Yes. Yes it is. And did I eat? Yes, yes I did. Josh and I split an appetizer, and I didn't feel guilty about it. Then we went over to the theater and had drinks and dessert at Birra Porettis. Oh yes, I had a piece of chocolate chip cheesecake. By that time, I did feel guilty.

The concert was fun. Her opening act was Sarah Jaffe, who was definitely a fantastic singer, yet she sang about 10 of the same songs. Just her and her accordian player. Norah came out and sang with her band, and I thouroughly enjoyed it. The venue was so different from any place I had been to, but I definitely look forward to going back for another concert soon.

We were only gone for 24 hours and it felt like a whole weekend. We were able to shop, hang out, and just enjoy our time together.

What could possibly be the icing on the cake?? Coming home to this...

Yup, granite. I have always, always, always wanted granite, and this is sooooo perfect. I am blissfully happy with it!!! WOOHOO!!!!!!

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Day #25..slow and steady

Today is the second day of Teacher Appreciation Week and we definitely had more food today. I was very happy with how it turned out! The parents really provided some delicious meals and several teachers were able to take extra food with them. That is a true sign of success to me!

I am down another 1.5 pounds so I have lost over 13 pounds. YAY! Although I am not going to weigh myself Thursday because I plan on eating what I want on my date! WOOHOO! I am looking forward to it, big time.

On the down side, my sore throat has returned with a vengeance. Why will this not go away even with antibiotics?! GRRR.

I am really bored with my list because 30 things in 30 days is rough. I don't feel like I have enough energy to run at the track. Maybe that will be addressed once I lose a little more weight. :)

The end today my friends. I don't feel as though I have much to say, however one of the items on my list was to blog every day for 30 days. And so 5 days to go!!!!!!

Monday, May 3, 2010

Day #24...Teacher Appreciation Week

This week as Teacher Appreciation Week. For those of you who are not teachers, all you have to do is substitute for 1 hour just once, to see how hard our teachers work to educate our kids.

This year, I felt passionate about having a whole week to provide meals for the teachers at Caleb's school. It seems like the least I can do for having my child 7 hours a day, 5 days a week. So I am heading up this event and today was the first day. I am not going to lie, by 10:00, I was beginning to worry that we didn't have enough food. Slowly but surely, food started rolling in, just in time for the first group to come in. My only regret is that by the time 4th grade got there, we just had about 1 bowl of taco soup, 1 bag of chips, a bowl of dip, and a container of rice left. But thank goodness the parents really stepped up and provided what they did. The teachers seemed very appreciative, and it makes me happy that they didn't have to worry about lunch today.

Tomorrow is Italian Tuesday! I will be making 2 lasagnas and will be up at the school all day tomorrow as well. I hope we can have even more food for tomorrow so that the 4th grade teachers can eat well.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Day #23...countdown to root beer

Ok, now there is a light at the end of the tunnel. There is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Actually, it is an igloo with frosty cold root beer nestled sweetly in ice. I have no preference to the brand, A&W or Barqs. Either one is perfect for me.

With a week to go, THE LIST is dwindling. Because this week is Teacher Appreciation, and I will be busy all week, there are a few things listed that frankly, will not be accomplished. Even though everything can't be addressed before the 10th, I still plan on addressing them all as soon as possible. This has been an enlightening experience to say the least.

Jansen sounds like he is drowning. He is being a trooper taking his medicine and using his inhaler, but he is outside all the time now, and is feeling terrible. He can't stop coughing, he is wheezing, and he looks swollen. I wish we could move to some place with less allergens. The Texas Coast stinks!

Today, I am hungry. I got off my diet for a couple days while I was sick, and didn't really lose any weight. So now I am back on it, and I am still down 11 pounds, but I AM RAVENOUS!!! Since Josh is on graveyards, the boys had sandwiches, tator tots, and fruit salad, and I snuck three tator tots. They are soooooooooo good. Why is it that it takes almost two weeks solid on a diet to start losing the cravings for things, and you get off for one day, and you want to eat Shipley's out of sausage and cheese kolaches??? I wanted to have lost 3 more pounds by now, but can I really complain about 11 pounds in 14 days? No, I can't. So I won't. Yay for me! Keep reminding in November, cruise in want to be 40 pounds less!!!!! 10 pounds at a time, my friend, 10 pounds at a time.

Wednesday, the hubs and I will be headed out on a hot date in Houston. We will be seeing Norah Jones, eating at Birra Porettis, and staying the night at a swanky hotel. Happy Birthday to me!!! I am so looking forward to some time away, even if it is for 24 hours. I want to dress up, have some fun, and enjoy some adult conversation and beverages (not on my diet).

Now that I thought about the cruise again...and losing a bunch of weight...that makes me think of buying some new clothes. Yesterday was all mom-guilt, and today I have reconciled that with myself. I'll need a swim suit, a cover up, some shorts, (Agh, did I just say shorts?!) a few tops, and a couple dresses. Shoes I have covered. I live in flip flops and sandals. Here are some things on my wish list:

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Day #22...down for the count

Wow. Being sick stinks. I am down for the count, for real. Thank goodness that my mom came over to keep the kids for the afternoon. Nothing will be done on THE LIST front, and nothing will be done on the home or diet front either. Today would have been the perfect day to go to the movies by myself...if my throat were not on fire.

Boo, hiss, cough. The end.

But being around the house all day made me feel, creative. Ok, make that bored. So I felt the need to work on the kids' rooms and started off with Jansen's. His room is decorated mostly in a football theme, more specifically, Dallas Cowboys and Houston Texans. I came across a perfectly good Thomas the Tank Engine pillow from Jansen's train phase, that he no longer wanted. Now, I am not a hoarder, but I just could not justify getting rid of that little pillow. I put it aside and trudged along. And then it hit me. Well, rather, it fell on me. Jansen's old Texans jersey from two years ago when we had season tickets to the games.


Jansen gets a "new" pillow, I get to keep the memories, and it was FREE! Good way to repurpose items, and I am even sewing challenged. But everyone can slipcover, right. I slipped it over, tucked it in, and whip stitched the bottom. Jansen loved it. He even said, "Oh Mom, thank you. I am so proud of you and my new pillow!" One day he will look a me, roll his eyes, tell me I am a nerd. Until then, I will take "proud".