Really awful clinical experience

For those that know me, it is no secret that I do not "do" old people. I am not a fan of geriatrics, nursing homes, long term care, etc.

When we got our clinical assignments at the beginning of the semester, I was shocked and slightly horrified that my group would be starting rotation at a local nursing home. One of my friends told me that he thought by the end, it would be my favorite rotation. I was honestly chomping at the bit to get to the hospital. I wanted to be in all the action.

But I waited patiently, and enjoyed my time at the nursing home. I liked the environment of seeing the same patients over and over again. I enjoyed working with the CNA's, who completely work their butts off! I loved working with the med aids to see what their med pass systems were. I loved working with the nurses, who were always willing to let the students work on their skills but still guide us through the steps. I gave tube feeds, did med passes, changed bed linens, helped with baths, fed residents, helped with wound care, performed a straight cath, and did 4 head-to-toe assessments. It wasn't the most sterile environment in the world and the lighting was poor but there was something really satisfying about working with these residents. Even though I enjoyed it, I was so ready for a change.

Thursday morning last week, the last day before Spring Break, we switched and it was time for my group to head to the hospital to work on the med-surg unit. I was so excited that I was up at 4:45 and at the hospital by 6am.

We grouped together into the lounge and got our nurses assignments for the day. We were then left to go find our nurse. I had never even seen that floor. I had no idea what was going on. I asked around for my nurse and no one had seen her. I waited patiently by the nurses station for my nurse. Finally, she arrived and immediately ran for a COW (Computer on Wheels). She put her name on a post-it and claimed a COW as she told me how they fight over these prized possessions. I saw it first hand as several people got heated about their lack of or potential loss of their COW.

I followed her around as she got report from several nurses about her patients for the day. I flipped through the SBARs that were given to me, scanning these new forms, looking for things that sounded familiar to me. I tried to keep each one coordinated with the patients we saw. After a hurried report, I followed her a cubby hole where one of the computers was available. She sat down and began to plan her day. 

I watched her system as she numbered a piece of paper with each patient's room number, their admitting diagnosis, important labs, and meds for the day. She sat at that computer scanning labs, noting other nurse's notes, and planning away. I knew she had to be passing meds soon and was already behind because of report, so I just tried to be quiet and observe.

Then we headed to the nurse's station where she began to pull meds. It was chaos in there. People were walking fast and furious, no one smiled, everyone looked frustrated, and half of them had students like me with them. I stood with her at the Pixus for almost 30 minutes as she gathered all the supplies for the day, and I kept moving as people shuffled in and out around me. The last thing I wanted was to be in anyone's way.

The vibe was not cool. Not cool at all. That was disheartening but I just kept watching. So just as she was getting ready to do her med pass, my professor caught me in the hall and asked for my SBARs. She sifted through them and told me she would pick one of them for me to work with. Of course she picked the one I didn't want.

Let's just say, you never want a patient that is in the medical field themselves and is one day post-op from a replacement. I was scared to death. She went in with me into the room, gave me a crash course in what she was looking for, and told me good luck and to find her when I was finished. I went to get my supplies, came back, and started my assessment.

I had to stop midway through because he wanted to return to bed and they didn't want me to help him back in. They called for the nurse and the CNA came in to get him all settled back in. He had all kinds of equipment that I had never seen in real life. I stood by the door waiting until the CNA had gotten him comfortable and hooked back to everything. She was amazing.

Once I finished, I couldn't find my nurse or my professor, so I went back to the lounge to document my assessment. After about 10 minutes, my professor came in and told myself and a classmate to go to lunch for 30 minutes. So off we go to lunch, I go back up to the floor 30 minutes later, and no one is there.

I walked around, not familiar with my surroundings, worried something was wrong. I went into the lounge where all the nurses were eating and laughing, and they immediately went silent when I walked in. Needless to say, I quickly walked out. I sat in the lounge to finish up my documentation and review my patient's labs. Then my professor found me and told me that all the other students were going to go to lunch and she wanted me to take care of all of their patients!

Um, what?!

How? What the hell do I do? You want me to go deal with 5 patients on my first day of clinical in the hospital as a student!? I was freaking out.

Luckily my nurse came by and asked if I could help with wound care on a patient. So I did that instead. It took much longer than I thought so by the time we were finished, I had to go check on my patient again, who frankly, didn't want me bothering him anymore because he just wanted to take a nap.

So I am standing in the hall with my nurse, watching how she electronically charts, when the CNA from the morning comes by and stands next to me to talk to another employee. Evidently, she had an issue with me from the morning for not helping her with that patient. She told the other employee, in front of me, all about how she felt about me. I was shocked. Things had been going poorly for me that day but I never thought I would be dealt with in such an unprofessional manner. I mean, I liked her. I liked the way she dealt with the patients. There were many things I could learn from her. Before I could even say anything to her, my professor found me for post conference.

I told her about what happened, and in turn, we needed to speak with the charge nurse. I felt like a baby, like a rat, and like someone other than myself. I am perfectly capable of handling this situation, but never wanted to be on the outs with someone on Day #1. That sucks.

So after that, I was just checked out. Our professor handed us a list of things to find on a scavenger hunt, which honestly, would have been more beneficial if we had done it at the beginning of the day. And we were finally released to go home at 3:30.

I couldn't run out of there fast enough. I was shell shocked. I was so surprised at how much I hated that first day. It was nothing that I expected. No one was happy or super willing to help train us. I felt like all the other students got a lot more guidance and I just got thrown into the thick of it. I felt completely lost and discouraged, and honestly, I still feel it. It was so so so disappointing. I have three more days there, then one day at day surgery, and then three more days back there. Then I can change floors. I was so looking forward to spending time with my professor because I LOVE her. She is amazing! I am so hoping that it was just the first day craziness, and that I will have some more guidance from her next week.

Nothing could have prepared me for the disappointment I felt leaving the hospital that day. Like soul crushing, I don't think I even want to do this, I'm not coming back after Spring Break and you can't make me, disappointment. I was actually ready to run back to the nursing home.

Needless to say...I'm hard core doubting myself. But I am forcing myself to stay as positive as possible and continue on. Really, what choice do I have?

MIDTERM!!!!

In true Amber fashion, I have made it to the midpoint of the semester, and I hit another wall. Just like last semester, I was truckin right along and then midterm hit me in the face.

I got to school Monday feeling just highly emotional for some reason. Simulation did not go well, and I was extra sensitive, and I began to cry at school.

I quietly walked out of the classroom to go cry in the bathroom and then get myself together. Then when I came back into the room, I again quietly slipped into the back row. My teacher then drew attention to me by asking if I felt better...and that just really rubbed me the wrong way.

Nothing is worse to me than crying at school and showing that vulnerability. I changed from emotional to straight up pissed. I packed my stuff and walked out.

By the time I got to my car, my husband had been texting me about Caleb's broken bracket (the dentist was off for the next three weeks and couldn't get it fixed), and the school had called me about Caleb's behavior. I lost my mind in the car and cried super hard all the way home. Josh came out into the garage as soon as I drove up and just hugged me and let me cry. I sat on my couch and kept crying and for some reason, I juts couldn't stop.

My classmate Michelle called me to check on me and I cried the whole time we were talking. It lasted like 45 minutes. That is just ridiculous for me. And then Caleb's school called me again to let me know that he was going to have detention the next day for scratching the desk.

Thankfully, Josh was home from work that day and took Caleb to get his braces pseudo-fixed and was able to pick him up from school after detention.

My friend, Crystal brought me flowers after my mental breakdown. How sweet is that?! I don't deserve that!

Then Jansen came home with a note from two of his teachers saying he had about 30 missing assignments, and by the way, they were going to be due the following week.

I had to study for two tests that night, and honestly, that just didn't happen. I was so off my game, that I made an 88 on my med surg exam (I should have only missed one) and a 95 on a freaking open book mental health exam (I totally skipped answering a question)!

Then Wednesday and Thursday was just a straight up stressful two days at clinical at the nursing home. This week could not end quick enough. THEN to top it off, Thursday evening I got sick. I ran fever for two days and today I am finally starting to feel better. But I had to get all my work done for Monday while I was sick. I did my best and I hope it is good enough. We will find out tomorrow.

Silver lining, I got sick over the weekend and didn't have to miss school. Thank God!

Thank the Lord that there are only 4 days of school and clinical standing in between me and Spring Break. Nursing school is not for the faint of heart. This is some serious stuff!

Valentine's Day breakfast

Let's finish up this love fest with Valentine's Day breakfast.

My husband is on a cook-off team and was spending the weekend in a camper at the cook off, so we didn't even see each other. But really, we don't celebrate Valentine's Day. It's ok. I love him. He knows it. I know he loves me. We are good. No stuffed animals, flowers, or chocolates needed.

BUT! I do like to do cute things for my kiddos.

AND Valentine's Day was on a Saturday this year, so really I had no excuse.

This table was set up the night before...

And then I made this for breakfast...

And this was Caleb's face....

And this was Jansen's face....

And all was right in the world. Happy Valentine's Day, my loves!!!!

Owl Valentine bag...

At the almost very last minute last week, my son informed me that he had to have some kind of bag to put his school valentines in.

Um, I am not a stay at home mommy anymore. This kind of stuff used to be the type of thing I would look forward to and plan for weeks.

Not that I don't love it, but being a full time nursing student doesn't leave much time to craft these days.

So after finishing my research paper, I asked Jansen what he wanted to do. He looked at a few pictures and said, "I want a red owl bag."

Thank goodness I had some leftover red bags from one of the kids' birthday parties and was able to scavenge some decent pieces of construction paper and some glue.

At 10:30 last week, I was in my closet office making this....

But he is cute, Jansen liked him, and all of his stuff fit in it. And it only took me about 15 minutes.

Stick a fork in me. I'm done!

Minecraft Valentines

Normally I am a fan of non-candy related Valentines to be handed out by my children to their classmates. This is Jansen's final year in elementary school, which means it is the last year to hand out little Valentines, and since I am neck deep in nursing school chaos...well, I bended the rules.

It was quite the temptation, having dozens of Hershey bars sitting in my kitchen, let me tell ya.

Anyway, Jansen loves Minecraft, and honestly, who doesn't? I found this Minecraft image on Pinterest and proceeded to print tons of them off to attach to candy bars. It helps that these are Jansen's favorite candy as well.

He loves them. And they aren't too girly. That is always my kids' complaints. "We can't make anything too girly, Mom!"...followed by the eye roll, or a huff, or a groan.

Just for fun, let's visit some of the other Valentine ideas we have done in previous years, edible and non-edible.

 
Jansen did these in Kindergarten...aliens for boys and butterflies for girls

Caleb did these in 2nd grade (I think) and did pink flowers for girls and blue flowers for boys.

One year, they both gave glowsticks and then each sent snacks for a Valentine party. (Dipped oreos and rice krispy treats).

Another year they sent bouncey balls and more snacks for the party (white chocolate dipped heart Peeps).

Then another year, they sent rock star sunglasses. That year, I was assigned drinks for the Valentine party, so no goodies that time.

Oh boy...just looking back at all the fun and cute things we did during elementary is making me a little misty-eyed. Sunrise, sunset....

Anyway, Valentine's Day is this weekend everyone. Make sure you are prepared to love on your peeps!!!

Physical therapy/transport in service

Things are getting pretty serious up in here. We had orientation for our clinical sites: the hospital in Lake Jackson, the hospital in Angleton, and a nursing home in Clute. YIPES!!!!!!!!

Last week was bizarre, as it is seeming like our schedule changes week by week. I know this is something to get used to as nursing is ever changing. The only thing that is a sure thing is CHANGE!

But, we did get to have a pretty cool in service on transportation last week.

Unfortunately, I asked if we could take pictures close to the end of the in service so I didn't get photos of everyone practicing our skills on each other.

The medical industry is fascinating! The things we learned, just super cool. I can't wait to get started in clinicals this week...although I am really nervous. No way I am going to show it though. I am totally going to fake it until I make it, or make a mistake. Then I will probably freak out. Please don't let me make a big med error!!!!

First Solo and Ensemble Performance

Trombone success for my son!

This evening was his very first ever Solo and Ensemble competition. He and his partner, Kevin, played Doodle All the Way, and might I say, he did a pretty good job.

He got some great feedback from the judge. He told the boys that he was aware that they started off a bit rocky, but corrected themselves, and did much better on the second part. He told them that they came prepared, had a good ear for music, and were on their way to being successful band members. He wanted the boys to work on putting more air through the trombone to make the sound stronger and more consistent. Good note.

I was concerned at first, because Caleb came home with a cut lip from an unfortunate locker-meets-face situation. Playing the trombone with a fat lip is pretty difficult. But he never complained, felt very confident, and was proud of his performance. He finds out the results on Monday.

His progress continues to make me so proud. I really want to try to focus on the positives and meet him right where he is today. That's difficult to do with Autism because I can really see the difference in him and his peers. But right where he is today....is awesome!!!