Imagination.....

So the New Kids on the Block are doing another cruise next year...and what a coincidence...the week of my 30th birthday. For some strange reason, that seems like fate to me. Thirty is a birthday that I have not readily welcomed. It is a symbol of true adulthood, although I have been an adult for more years that I care to recognize. Actually, 30 is the only age I am scared of, not 31, not 40, not 50...just 30. Is it a time of reflection? A time to reevaluate life to decide where I am going?

Although I am currently 29, I feel much older. When others are out enjoying their 20's in graduate school, backpacking through Europe, tubing down the river with a beer in hand, seeking out true joy and purpose, I was home struggling with an Autistic child, another toddler, and a mostly absent husband. Don't get me wrong, the whole decade has not been a torturous. It has just been a struggle. Getting married and having children young is not an easy thing to do. That said, do I want to look back with regret? No. I have no regrets. The experiences form me into the person I am today...a continual work-in-progress. I love my family, unconditionally. Don't offer me money for them, because I won't take it.

Since Caleb started school last year, I have begun to remember Amber. I am Caleb's mom. I am Jansen's mom. I am Josh's wife. I love each title, but in the mix of thinking of that 21 year old newlywed, that 22 year old new mom, I lost me. Flashes of my previous life are very quick memories, and many of them I desire to have back. So maybe that is what my 30's are for. I want to come into my own. I want the balance between living for my family and living for me.

So in an effort to gain control over myself....I present....Reinventing Amber! I am transforming into the person I have in my mind. Quitting my job, being available for my children and their schools, getting into shape, getting finances in order, and creating goals for myself.

Did I mention how desperately I want to go on this NKOTB Cruise???? Talk about a break in the monotony of life! Chances are slim I can get a ticket since presale tickets go on sale for past cruisers two days before public sale! Does that seem fair...heck no! But if I am able to get a ticket, I will be posting about my efforts to raise money and lower my body weight. Accountability will be my new middle name. 30th Birthday = NKOTB Cruise. I am speaking it into existance...Mock me if you wish...I have no shame! :)