Tuesday, November 23, 2010

ugly, ugly, day #13

On the eve of the 2 week mark of this stupid surgery, I have to say that I am an emotional basketcase. I am not even shy to admit it. There are so many people out there that have tummy tucks and have no problems, have a little pain, and then are happy go lucky by the second week and ready to go back to work. OHMYGOSH if I had to go to work outside the home this week, I would just have to quit.

Yesterday, I got my last drain out and the doctor says my incision looks fine. He wants to see me in a week, keep wearing the binder, and stay a couch potato for one more week. I admit, I am going stir crazy!!!!!!!

I have cried all day long. All day. No, not some of the day, all day. On the phone, in the shower, putting the kids to bed, Josh going back to work on graveyards, to my mom on the phone, getting a little walking in....I have cried...and not just like a little blue....like hard core, headache inducing crying. In fact, I am literally crying as I write this and it is 8:45 at night.

I admit, I am not hurting as much. Soreness is the issue right now. I am slow to do things, still not standing up fully straight, still not sleeping. Now is all this emotion coming from the narcotic letdown (no longer taking the pain pills)? Is it coming from being stuck in the house for 2 weeks? Is it coming from lack of sleep? Maybe unachieved expectations??? Which in my head, I realize that I cannot expect to see results for several weeks, to several months, even up to a year in some cases.

So today, I cry over my selfishness, stupidity, my complete inability to get anything done, my binder that pinches my skin when I attempt to sleep, the bruises that are still left from hip to arm pit, my sore chest, my swollen incision that goes almost completely around my body, my legs that I haven't shaved in 2 weeks and don't forsee being able to shave them any time soon, my inability to fit in ANY clothes other than my husbands', my inability to put on shoes, over a body that is not my own, and to the feeling that I may never gain back my sanity or ability to be a mom and wife.

This is like all the things that they don't tell you when you get pregnant...these are the things they don't tell you in the surgical consultation room. You will feel like a crazed lunatic. Every thought or feeling that you can ever imagine, you will have.

And I can't wait to write the post about how wonderful I feel, how great I look, and how everything is back to normal.

1 comment:

  1. I'm not sure what narcotic you were on, but I know when I stopped mine from having my gallbladder out I was a mess. I cried and alternatley was SOOO pissed off. I was evil to Todd and I ended up making a cake because I was so upset(It was our one year anniversary and I was upset bc all of our plans got cancelled bc of the surgery.)I think its pretty normal to not feel like yourself. My middle section was very swollen after my gallbladder being out and I kept thinking irrationally that I never should of gotten it taken out because I could of dealt with the pain better. (um noooo...)
    I am sending tons of good energy your way, and I hope you start to feel better. I would reccomend maybe having a friend over to hang out with you or something!
    Take care Amber and keep the ultimate goal in site, I bet you are gonna be GORGEOUS in a few weeks.. I mean you are already, but in a few... smokin ;)