For the last 5-6 years, I LOVED this time of year, not just because May is the busiest month of the year for us, but because it always felt like I was standing on the edge of a cliff ready to jump into vacation. The excitement of relaxation and freedom was almost too much for my stomach to bear.
Quitting my job to be home with my kids was the best decision we could have made...for us. Raising very small children and working 10 hours a day was more than I could personally handle. So while I looked forward to sending the children to school/preschool in the mornings so that I could have time for myself to grocery shop in peace, get a pedicure, or just clean the house, my favorite time was always SWEET SUMMER!
We would sleep in until 8, which is late for us, and a couple days a week, I would go to zumba while the kids played kickball in the Kids Club. We would go to the library to read books for the reading club, rent dvd's, go swimming, make crafts, do science experiments, run through the sprinklers, take afternoon naps, bake cookies, go to the museum, see concerts, go to the zoo, build blanket forts, pop popcorn, paint, sing, you name it, we did it.
So this year, it comes to my attention, that not only are my kids getting older and wanting to do less of those things that I thought were so fun, but I'm going to be back in school before they even get out for summer. School. Nursing school. My summers will never be the same, as next year, I graduate and will begin a new stage in my life as a nurse.
I'm not handling it well.
My emotions are all over the place. I'm feeling nostalgic. I'm feeling anxious. I'm feeling apprehensive. I'm feeling excited. I'm feeling like why did I go back to school? I had a great thing going here. I got the opportunity to spend all of my time with my kids and I really loved it. I'm not ready for it to be over. I have been blessed with a husband who works hard to enable me to make the choice to stay home. We have a home, cars, healthy children, family, and friends here. I have made my own schedule around whatever I needed to for the past 6 years. I've been able to have day dates with my husband when he was switching from days to graveyards and the boys were in school. We were able to take off for quick trips whenever Josh's schedule allowed and take the kids. I was able to be present for anything and everything that the kids had a school. If they were sick, I didn't have to bat an eye...I was home. If Caleb had a particularly rough night, I could come home and sleep after he went to school. That was a rarity, but it was an option available to me. It was a cushy job!
Don't get me wrong, it was difficult. There were days when I felt if I heard another fight, or door slam, or "MOM", or description of Pokemon, or had to clean up another spill, break, or mess that I would scream. But I was born to do that.
So enter nursing school. From what I have seen and experienced thus far, I enjoy it. When thinking back to what I wanted to BE, my first inclination was always a Registered Nurse. It looked like the most challenging and rewarding career to have. But am I ready? I LOVE being "just a Mom"! For real, I LOVE IT! But "just a Mom" is going to go by wayside soon as my boys get older and eventually move out of the house.
I need to be able to provide more financial support for the family. I need to have my own identity once they are gone. I need to have something for me, that makes me feel complete.
Will nursing become my passion? I sure hope so. I hope that once I get out of school I will fall madly in love with the art and science of nursing. Right now, all I see is that I would rather be planning a summer of activity for myself and my kids than reading Nursing Care of the Child for a quiz the first day of class next week.
Life is so short. Time is so precious. One more year of school is just the tiniest drop in my bucket of life. I just don't want to turn the faucet back on yet.